thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
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