Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
