i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
COCAINE IS GR8
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
