Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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