"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
