I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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