I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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