your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
