I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
