Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
