the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
