dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sarcasm needs its own font
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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