I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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