Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bring me that man meat
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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