Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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