i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
