his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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