Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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