I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
