i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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