i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
