I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
