i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
