Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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