the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
