I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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