she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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