I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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