the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
