We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
should my penis look like a turkey
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
