I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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