this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
