i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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