i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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