she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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