Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
