I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
