The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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