hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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