i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
