Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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