I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
