i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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