i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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