Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
