It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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