end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
