Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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