I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We have started to decorate penises.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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