My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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