More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
