no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
