She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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