Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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