What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
