Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
