She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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