had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
time to smoke my breakfast
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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