I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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